I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
