does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
