Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
