sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
