He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
