Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
