Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
