threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will pee on everything he values.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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