dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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