Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I enjoy the company of your penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
