Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
