Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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