Kiss
Puke
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
