We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
