I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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