We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
