Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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