Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
