We won't sleep together?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Who did Billy Mays play for?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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