Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
