dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
