It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
