Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
