Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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