I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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