Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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