like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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