i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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