did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
