Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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