Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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