Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
