Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
