I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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