I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
