The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
