My nipple is on Facebook.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Floor bacon is actually really good
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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