I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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