you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
nutella sex= disaster
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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