I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You are a genius and a whore.
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