i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
