this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
