Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
