We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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