someone get that fucking seahorse.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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