i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
