so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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