shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
