its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
