Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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