Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
