my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
